The Champ Is Here

I have been thrust into an alternate reality. But don't worry, all my parts made it. Even the private ones.

I already miss you. 

This is not to say I am not having a fantastic time. I am. I'm...really happy. I just wish I had you guys in a pocket. Maybe each of you in your own pocket, you know, so it doesn't get to sweaty in there. A pair of cargo pants full of friend pockets. In one of those hot pink fatigue prints that doesn't make any sense. 

So yeah.

Staying with David is really good. We have maintained plutonocity and we're actually having a great time together. Coming out here made him happier and that has affected the way he conducts himself and interacts with people. He's doing a great job of showing me around with enthusiasm and positivity...which, I must say, is very unlike him. He's got awesome friends too-- really friendly, smart, funny, artsy people. I like them a lot. New Yorkers like to say everyone out here is vapid and self-obsessed but I honestly didn't even get that vibe from Barret's male model friends who, by all expectations, should be that way. 

It's also great to be staying with someone who I'm actually close with. I woke up on my first morning here and had this moment of "I have to find a car and a place and a job now now now wait what am I gonna do this is real"...and David was there to be like, "this is your first day. you can chill out. this is just a pang of anxiety and you do this sometimes, only to be completely calm ten minutes later." 

A truth I'm not happy about, but a truth none-the-less. It's just good to have someone I can count on to tell me the things I need to hear.

Call me crazy but I'm having so much fun looking for a car and a place. Looking for a place is instantly fun because everything is WAY bigger, nicer, cleaner, cuter (alternate Kanye song? For housewives?) than you would ever expect it to be after being ripped a new one by New York real estate. And looking for a car is fun because, well, it feels so...adulty. AND it's so exciting. AND you get to go on test drives which have turned out to be the funniest/most awkward experiences ever. (i.e. I almost hit a car. In my defense, it really DID come out of nowhere. I slam on the brakes then turn to the car salesman who has his hand to his mouth. For some reason I am still smiling and relaxed. "Great brakes," I say, as I continue to drive. He is silent. I wait a couple moments. "So...hypothetically, what would happen if I got a ticket during a test drive?" He is not amused. "You'd get a ticket during the test drive." The rest of the ride was silent, save when I honked the horn by accident, then laughed maniacally.)

Venice Beach. I love it. Almost too much. It's like Chinatown meets Rhinebeck meets BEACH. I'm seriously into it. I know I came here to maybe be productive and shit but I could EASILY get a job at one of those places on the boardwalk and just chill the fuck out in eternal summer until I can't take it anymore. Just ideas. 

My favorite people I have met since I'm here were at Venice beach and they include an R&B artist/homeless man named Salt who dresses all in white (I should send you guys some tracks..I bought his CD after we became friends..slow jamz) and a woman named Jane who teaches hula hooping/tricks on the beach for free on weekends and looks kind of like an elementary school teacher who took a huge bong hit, then quit her job (I'm obviously going and mastering the art of hula). 

West Hollywood is also pretty fun. I went to a crazy gay club last night with the male model squad (I am so very short and pale).  Men in Borat-style swimsuits hanging from poles on the ceiling and a Tranny show every half hour or so to Britney remixes. 

It was bliss. And basically Chelsea on a Tuesday.

So, I mean, LA is cool. It's different. I think my favorite thing about it is that it just exudes vacation vibes constantly. There are palm trees on the highway, you know? And no, it's not as cool as New York but it's doing it's own thing. As am I. It feels good. 

I don't have everything figured out yet but I'm not stressing about it. Wheels are in motion and the universe will unfold as it should. I will continue to live and so a "life" will transpire. I'm excited for whatever happens. I'm just focusing on enjoying the here and now, and filling my life with as much positive energy as possible. And all of those things are happening. Just wish you guys were hear to do this with me.

LOVE and JUICE,

The one with the clammy hands